The First Week Home

Our strategy going in (May, June, July...) was to make sure we didn't overwhelm Seth when we first got home.  We figured he'd have enough to deal with, considering language, cuisine, time change, unfamiliar surroundings and people, and processing his loss, just to name a few.  However, in the first 9 days, we've been greeted by a large group at the airport, and been to a concert at Conner Prairie, church on Sunday both weeks, a softball game followed by a pizza party, a home-school field trip to the Children's Museum, a visit to my office, lots of playing with neighbor kids, a trip to meet K's violin teacher, 2 doctor's appointments, an ice-cream social, a visit with a senior couple in Franklin, a trip to the grocery store, a visit from our adoption social worker, and visits with friends in Anderson and Muncie.  Other than that, we've just been sitting around.

So what gives?  Are we just really poor planners?  Do we have a missing synapse that causes us to neglect all pre-considered notion?  I'd say it's more like changing a plan when that makes sense.  Seth's adaptability and good-natured response to each thing has given us permission to do another.  Additionally, the occasional slow day has actually been more challenging than the busy ones.

So we've enjoyed introducing him to different people, and he exhibits the same charm here as he did in China (albeit less verbally).  For the first week. he slept all night most nights, is eating well now, and is usually happy.  We'd love to know what he's thinking and saying, but there are small advances on that front too.  He mimics a lot of what we say, and has a few more English words in his arsenal too.

Overall he's coping very well, but mind you, he certainly has 4-year-old moments.  We definitely have "what is he going to do next moments", wondering if it will involve hitting, kicking, or yelling.   He's been up more in the night the last several nights, and hasn't been going to sleep in the evening as easily.

We're not into any routine yet - no surprise there - but it's an unsettled existence right now.  Communicating overrides everything.  The elephant in the room.

Oh, Nancy, recognize the helmet? No, book-reading hasn't become a full contact sport at our house just yet, but getting him to take the helmet off after a bike ride is. Sure kid, wear it as long as you like.

Photos

Here are all 450+ photos from our trip.

Rats, looks like you need a Snapfish account to view them - sorry, that shouldn't be too hard to create.

Now Shutterfly too

Swimming at the Cube

Sureptitous video shot of Kathleen swimming at the Water Cube in Beijing.

Dancing on the Bed

Video from our hotel in Beijing.

Great Wall Cable Car

This video is from our trip to the Great Wall on August 8. Seth greatly enjoyed the ride.

And finally, home

After 26 hours (or 39, if you start with the ride to the train station the night before), we made it through Hong Kong, Tokyo and Detroit, and made it home. Wouldn't it figure, but the only train, plane or automobile the whole trip that was late by any significant margin was the final one from Detroit to Indy. We were blessed with hot food and greetings from the neighbors, signs on the door from friends at church, and a great welcoming committee at the airport from friends in Franklin.

We were all up at 5 this morning, so we'll work on sleep schedules next!

Adoption

Those of you in our church family may recall that on the Sunday before we left for China, there were a few parts of the service that were very meaningful to me. I told some of you that I was glad we are new in that church, so I wouldn't think that someone was planning that for us, but that God had put that in place.

One was a Psalm assuring us we have nothing to fear. What can mortal man do to me? Perhaps that is why I'm not a nervous Nellie about documents, or much of anything else, for that matter. Not confidence in myself, but in Him.

The other was a section of catechism that we read on adoption.

"What is adoption? Adoption is an act of the free grace of God, in and for his only Son Jesus Christ, whereby all those that are justified are received into the number of his children, have his name put upon them, the Spirit of his Son given to them, are under his fatherly care and dispensations, admitted to all the liberties and privileges of the sons of God, made heirs of all the promises, and fellow heirs with Christ in glory."

To be able in such a meager and lowly way to mimic here in China what our Lord did for us is somewhat staggering. Christ says to us, today and forever, I chose you. We say to Seth, today and always, we chose you. Christ chooses to love us. We choose to love Seth. Christ chooses to discipline and shape us, and we likewise Seth. We will never live up to His perfect example, but we are honored to in turn be chosen to do this choosing, to nurture one lost soul towards heaven's gates.

I want to commend this journey to you all. It largely stinks, mind you. The prying, the waiting, the paying, the changing, the lying, the inconveniencing, the waiting again. I'd be happy to offer some advice on taking other tactical roads than we did, but as we always knew they would, while the trees are still there, they pale to the beauty of the forest, and the filthy means are, while not justified in the end, fade to black.

We know that Seth's adoption is just the latest in a long, long line of others. We applaud those that have gone before: Laverne and Louise, the Fentons, the Jarboes, the Bantas, the Malkuses, the Dupees, the Mengles, the Bennies, the Hites, the Sanfords, and the many thousands of others. This particular adoption is perhaps unique only to us, but thank you for supporting us in it, and making Seth feel special.

This is probably the final report from the Redland. Tomorrow we take the oath at the US Consulate to care for Seth as our flesh and blood, as if we need such banalaties to ensure as much. Then we hop a train to Hong Kong, find a cab to an airport hotel, catch a quick nap, and arise early for the homeward semi-circum-navigation.

I've gotten rather wordy; my apologies. I hope you have gotten a small glimpse into our journey through these pages. Know that we have greatly enjoyed reading your comments as well. I've tried to avoid a simple we did this, then we did that, recap of our trip, but for whatever boring lowlights I included, thanks for slogging through (or congrats for skimming over!). We look forward to seeing all of you very soon!

Statues

Around the island, there are dozens of these statues, showing kids, families, animals, etc. We had fun taking pictures today.

We've also enjoyed long afternoons in the pool. No photography allowed there either, for some bizarre unknown reason. I'll see if I can sneak a few shots tomorrow. I'm growing weary of looking over my shoulder.

River Cruise

Last night we had a lovely time on the Pearl River. The cruise was about an hour and a half. While the food served appealed only to the native Asian in our family, we all enjoyed the nice breeze and views of the city lights.

Haircut

This morning I (Kathleen) took Seth for a haircut. Of course, since it's our first together, I had to have the camera on hand. He did just fine, talking to the hairdresser, looking at himself in the mirror, and being very cooperative. I'm happy with the results too, especially for a $4 haircut!

We're settling into our routine on Shamian Island. I've found a good running route, we've enjoyed both the lap and "play" pools, and I've located another bakery! I've purchased more black forest cake in the past two weeks than in the past two decades combined. At $1 a pop how can I resist? And it's good! We finally gave up on doing our own laundry and sent some things out yesterday. I still had enough to do myself to cover the room, but it was a real treat to get back enough clean and pressed shorts and t-shirts to nearly finish out the trip.

Guangzhou arrival

We are now in the south of China, in Guangzhou, a city of 13 million. Remarkable how a city that size can feel like a hamlet following where we've been. We're on a small island called Shamian Island, which used to be a British concession, so has lots of European-looking buildings, and lots of English spoken by the locals (though the latter may be more due to the flood of adoptive families here. Our hotel has 16 families from our agency and probably 100 overall).

Seth did very well on the 3 hour flight from Beijing, playing quite happily with the personal TV set for most of the time. Josie sat behind us with a newfound friend from PA, and was fairly self-sufficient. We're hoping the smooth sailing is a portent of things to come on Thursday.

Seth had his medical exam this morning to clear US Immigration. His TB test was negative - that was a key stressor for lots of families, as a positive skin test followed by a positive x-ray keeps you in China for 7 more days, after which a positive lab test keeps you here for 6 months. Yikes. All that avoided. Other than that, the exam was a pretty cursory once-over, though perhaps gave us some things to ask our doc when we get home.

Speaking of stressors, this process seems to attract a lot of nervous types. Not to sound too self-assured, but I don't exactly fit in with that crowd. Worrying about .001% medical possibilities. Seat-belting kids on charter buses. Putting swimmies on a 6-year-old in a pool that couldn't have been 12 inches deep. Refusing the ice at even the most Western restaurants for fear of raging diarrhea from the local water. OK, maybe I should show some humility on the last one given the state of my stomach all week. But all in all, the mindset of there being a devil behind every doorway is deeply ingrained.

Today we had a meeting with our guide to prepare documents for the consulate visit next week. The same documents that we prepared with our agency back in the States months ago. But OK, I'm all right with a final review before the real thing on Tuesday. So I'm thinking 10 minutes, right? No, almost an hour and a half. Shiyan, is it OK if this penstroke crossed over this line? Shiyan, I misspelled Beijing? Shiyan, is that month, day, year, or day, month, year? Shiyan, I had my fingers crossed while I signed this form, is that OK? Shiyan, does my child need a passport to go home? Shiyan, on this line where it says "one parent sign", does my husband need to sign too". Enough, people. They're not to going to wrest the child from your arms and return him to the orphanage in Tim-buk-Chang if you mess up a form. Even I, with my jaded view of US government, have that much faith in them.

So thankfully there are a few other level heads. We had fun jabbering about it afterwards.

Also, a glimpse of our living quarters for the next 5 days. You can see all or part of all the sleeping surfaces. Cuddle up!

Emotional Roller Coaster

Yesterday was kind of a microcosm of the whole trip. One minute you're having no trouble at all subscribing to the doctrine of original sin, and the next you're experiencing pure joy. OK, maybe not minute-by-minute, but it goes back and forth quite frequently. I keep telling myself that any 4-year-old has bad habits, and the parenting has just begun - in fact some would say it doesn't truly begin until we get home. But we had a bit of a break-through yesterday when Seth showed some remorse after one of his transgressions.

I took the kids to the pool yesterday so Kathleen could have an afternoon to herself. Previous trips to the pool have been fun, with Seth hanging on one of the 3 of us with his swimmies on. Yesterday he did that for a while, and jumped off the side into Josie's or my arms. By the end though, he was floating around on his own, and paddling all over the pool without any assistance.

So we're understanding better every day why people say these trips are hard work. We collapse into bed each night very soon after we put the kids down, exhausted. Even the "slow" days wear you out. Each day sees joy and frustration; what day doesn't?, I suppose, but the swings seem more pronounced right now.

We're all packed and waiting for our bus here in the lobby of the Beijing hotel. We can see the finish line from here.

Summer Palace Pictures

So that's it for Beijing.  We fly to Guangzhou tomorrow.  Hopefully the internet will be as good or better there.

Pictures from the last few days

Not a lot of verbosity to share today.  I'm feeling better, and we're hoping K isn't next in the meat grinder.  She and the kids went to the Beijing Zoo yesterday, which turned out to be better than advertised (the preview we had gotten was that all the animals either look or are dead), and all of us went to the Summer Palace today, which was much more interesting and picturesque than the Forbidden City.  I guess the idea of summering at the lake goes back a few years.  Pictures here of the zoo Wed and park Tues; next post of Summer Palace today.

Video of Seth

In this Seth is saying "Gay-woah" which means "give it to me!"

Over the Hump

We've passed the halfway point of our trip. It seems like we've been here much more than 9 days. I wonder if Seth thinks this life - living in a hotel - is the new normal.

The last few days have been a bit slower. I (J) have been feeling under the weather since yesterday morning, so Kathleen took the kids to the zoo today as part of the tour group. Yesterday we went to the park with 3 other families, and Kathleen, Josie, and Seth took a paddleboat ride, while I gutted out a return trip to the Silk Market to try on my suit. Last evening a bunch of the kids played in one of lobbies for quite a while, apparently assaulting one another with balloons. Kathleen says Seth - the littlest one - held his own quite well!

We've shot some good video of Seth singing, our trolley car trip at the Great Wall, and the morning we got him last week. Hopefully I'll be able to get some of this on the blog soon.

Here are a few pictures from our shopping trip on Monday.

Shopping

Another "free" day and it turned out to be another winner . . . my (Kathleen) Mom's friend Elizabeth offered to show us around the silk market (and by "market" I mean, six story air-conditioned building packed full of all manner of jewelry, clothing, shoes, bags, etc.) today and I quickly realized how advantageous, cost-effective, and fun it would be to have a local on our side for this round of full-contact shopping. The routine soon was established: I would spot something I liked, and Elizabeth would get to haggling. I also soon realized that if the price didn't meet Elizabeth's standards we would be walking away, whether I thought that price was reasonable or not. By mid-afternoon I gave it a try on my own and bargained a pair of Timberland hiking shoes for Seth down from 480 yuan ($60!) to 60 yuan (less than $10!) Delighted with that success we added in a pair of Nike's for Josie for the same price and then threw in a pair for Seth for 55 yuan. Eat your heart out Kohl's! Seth is delighted with his new sneakers, showing them off to anyone who will listen and telling our guide that his feet no longer hurt. Too bad we didn't know they hurt in the first place, or we would have helped him out sooner.

Seth passed much of the day playing up to the clerks and Josie hung in there by finding a few treasures of her own to bring home. Jeremy even got into the action, buying Seth a couple of toys, some shirts for himself and putting in an order for a custom tailored suit and shirt.

My family has really blessed me with the time in the pool last Friday and at the market today. I appreciate Jeremy's willingness to pass the time with such ventures and his child wrangling when I am underwater or in price negotiations. He has bravely hauled off a wailing Seth when I have been unable to carry him one more foot and has dealt with our crankiness when he himself very rarely engages in such moods. Tonight he walked to get dinner and bring it back to the room when Josie was too worn out to walk, Seth was too restless to wait any longer for a cab, and I was too tired to chase Seth in the open any longer.

Sunday's rounds

We saw Tiananmen and the Forbidden City today. Certainly can't come to Beijing and not do these things, but it sure felt like a lot of the same over and over. Perhaps our inability to listen to all the commentary from our tour guide due to our two distractors led to less than full enjoyment. Very impressive places to be sure - we walked from the south end of TS to the north end of the FC. Both were teeming with people, and in Tiananmen, thousands and thousands were lined up to pass by Mao's tomb.

Prayer Requests

I didn't bring the list I gave our Wednesday night group, but as I recall the highlights:

• safety in travel - no problems so far!
• Josie's air-sickness - no problems (though I'm told I do get a father-of-the-year nomination for my containment and subsequent disposal of her returned breakfast on the bus yesterday)
• smooth travel - you know of the luggage hiccup and traffic jams, but we've perservered
• good health - not much difficulty to report. K's had a little dizziness and nausea - dehydration perhaps.
• immigration concerns - we got an email from the National Visa Center that our approval made it that far - Tuesday I think. So no confirmation its at the consulate yet, but indications are good.
• Seth's sleeping - he's slept all night every night except for one, and that interruption was brief and mild
• Seth's eating - kid could use some fruits and veggies! But he's eating well otherwise.
• Seth's adjusting - I've covered a lot of this.
• Seth's salvation - he hasn't confessed his faith in Jesus yet, at least not that I can understand =)

God is good. Thank you for your continued intercession.

Communicating

It's an interesting dance, as expected. We're pretty limited in our Chinese: No - bu, Thank you - xiexie, I love you - wo ai ni, hello - ni hao, see you tomorrow - zaitian jian, maybe a few others. His English is even more narrow - I think thank you is the only thing I've heard with any consistency. He does seem to be responding more to our gestured instructions as the days go on. We took the 2 pictures with the bear cupcake this evening; since he gave us his all-too-prevalant peace-sign-with-smirk in the first one, we asked for a normal look in the 2nd, and he obliged. He also has a penchant for butt-poking - parents, siblings, or any random stranger who might present their backside. He hasn't given up the habit, but he does seem to be responding faster to our calls to stop it.

His constant chatter has slowed significantly in the last few days, but he still has a great deal to say. On a humorous note, his sentences are frequently overheard by Chinese people, and they respond with laughter, or they engage him in conversation. Lots of people talk to him and react to what he says. He calls just about any lady "mama".

I certainly sense frustation on his part that we don't know what he's saying or asking for, but that too has abated somewhat in the last few days. Any of us who have dipped ourselves into other cultures has felt that frustration, but I don't think I have anywhere near the appreciation for what he is feeling and will feel over the next several months as his requests and soliloquys are effectively ignored, even as we long to understand.

He exhibits his frustration with the occasional tantrum, sit-down strike, or angry outburst, but by and large he is showing great coping ability.

China and College

What do going to China and going to college all have in common?

1. You understand very little of what is being said
2. You meet lots of really strange and different people every day
3. You eat a lot of Ramen. OK, that's probably not in everyone's experience, but on the several nights we've gotten back to the room quite late, the tried-and-true noodle soup has set well with our Eastern and Western children.

Financial woes in China

News of the trouble in the global financial services industry seems to have reached China.

Also some more Wall pictures. Seth woke up to enjoy the downward cable car ride. The day turned into a 12-hour odyssey, as better traffic on the way home was accompanied by some wandering (aboard the bus) around the Olympic area. Again. For us anyway. But I'm not sure there was a lot of appreciation by the other 40 at this point in the day either.